1. You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily WiserThere is an assumption that as we get older we will get wiser; not true. But we can carry on being just as foolish, still making plenty of mistakes. It’s just that we make new ones, different ones. We do learn from experience and may not make the same mistakes again, but there is a whole new pickle jar of fresh ones just lying in wait for us to trip up and fall into. The secret is to accept this and not to beat yourself up when you do make new ones. The Rule really is: Be kind to yourself when you do muck things up. Be forgiving, and accept that it’s all part of that growing older but no wiser routine.
2. Accept What Is Done Is DonePeople make mistakes. Sometimes very serious ones. As often as not, the mistakes aren’t deliberate or personal. Sometimes people just don’t know what they are doing. This means that if, in the past, people have behaved badly toward you, it wasn’t necessarily because they meant to be horrid, but because they were as naïve, as foolish, as human as the rest of us. They made mistakes in the way they brought you up or finished a relationship with you or whatever, not because they wanted to do it that way, but because they didn’t know any different. Let go of any feelings of resentment, of regret, of anger. You can accept that you are a fabulous human being because of all the bad things that have happened to you, not in spite of them. What is done is done, and you need to just get on with your life. Don’t use the labels “good” and “bad.”
3. Accept YourselfYou can’t go back and change anything, so you’ve got to work with what you’ve got. Accepting is easy because it is exactly what it says—accepting. You don’t have to improve or change or strive for perfection. Quite the opposite. Just accept. That means accepting all the warts and emotional lumps and bumps, the bad parts, the weaknesses, and the rest of it. This doesn’t mean we are happy with everything about ourselves, or that we are going to be lazy and lead a bad life. We are going to accept the way we are, initially, and then build on that. What we are not going to do is beat ourselves up because we don’t like some parts.
4. Know What Counts and What Does n’tBeing here counts. Being kind and considerate counts. Getting through each day without seriously offending anyone or hurting anyone counts. Having the latest technology doesn’t. Doing something useful with your life counts. There are some things in this life that are important and a whole lot of things that aren’t.
5. Be Flexible in Your ThinkingOnce your thinking gets crystallized, rigid, and formed, you’ve lost the battle. Once you think you have all the answers, you might as well hang up your boots. Once you get set in your ways, you’re already part of history.
6. Be Your Own AdviserDeep down within all of us is a fount of wisdom. This is called intuition. Listening to your intuition is a slow-learned process.
7. Don’t Expect to Be PerfectYou’re allowed to be human, you know. In fact, you’re actively encouraged to be human. Don’t try to set yourself above everyone else—the rest of us fail from time to time.